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| rikki o is here to free your tummy slop |
for centuries forum users have jerked off about how to make d20 elfgame kung fu good
astonishing, an entire culture of self proclaimed shlock action movie junkies and somehow zero understanding that what makes movie gorefights fun to watch is original choreography carried out by fucking ridiculously sweaty dork athletes (yum) who have dedicated their bodies and their time to make this fight look fucking sick, not the aping of real life martial combat or like. the many tactical options on display.
those things can and do find their place, but always in service to the dopamine rush, not draining its soul through skull
treatment is simple:
if an attack against that target also affects multiple other targets, you roll your upgraded damage die against them too.
if you punched someone in the face last turn, this turn you should be gouging out their eyes. and if you've gouged out their eyes its time to do a handspring off the top of their head and rip that shit smoove off and throw it at their mama.
the table can hold each other accountable unless some massive nerd wants to be called something cool like "warscribe" for once in their miserable life and record the moves people did.
if there's debate about whether your kung fu is strong enough, vote and roll a die of a demonination closest to your table number, rounding up (playing with 1-3 people, 1d3, 4 people 1d4 etc). roll equal to or under your votes and it is.
now that's probably good enough but to make it mesh a lil more.
no action economy but the sweaty bod. each player can take 1 action with each part of their body. sweep a guys leg with one of yours and then stomp him with your other, grab his sword with one hand and use your other hand to stab his brother with it.
If you're going to be weird about the math time-to-kill with auto-hit is just about exactly twice as fast as with roll-to-hit so just double everything's HP. and then double it again tbh, since everyone's going to be able to do a bunch of attacks with big dice. 1HD guy should have around 14 HP probably
A character's HP is their defense; each move is parried, reflected, absorbed, strikes a mirror clone, etc. until half HP when they first get hit and snot rocket blood, and oh, how easy to tweak that if you wish! how beneath mention! and then again at 0 HP, when you rip their small intestine out and strangle them with it.
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| rikkkkiiiiiiiiii |
so i've saved the weenie d&d of your choice with great ease
but if you would fuck with stronger kung fu...
I have grown enamored of fantasy violence and if you're reading this far it's safe to assume that's a slam dunk for you too. plus, nate ate up my parkour and barfed out some kung fu type junk so it's time for my baby bird metabolism to kick in.
a new cottonmouth Kung Fu. check it.
everyone may
- run at great speeds
- leap their own height straight up or twice that in length
-leap off of vertical surfaces
- spin midair, changing direction on the spot
- perform rolls, slides, handsprings, and flips
- brachiate or swing from ropes
- lift and throw a man with both hands
- react swiftly enough to dodge strikes and projectiles
- strike precisely enough to target any part of an opponents body
everyone may choose one of these
- balance atop the butt of a spear
- balance on one hand or two
- run along a rope
- react quickly enough to catch strikes or projectiles
- lift and throw a man with one hand
you may choose to treat grouped parts of your body (arms + hands, hands + fingers) as one part, or separate ones.
for each, assign a weapon from this list:
- hammer
- chain
- spearhead
- cleaver
when you want it to, it functions as that thing.
choose any one of the 18 weapons. you know it as your own body.
- straight sword, gentleman of weapons
- curved broadsword, general of weapons
- spear, king of weapons
- staff, grandfather of weapons
- tri-point double edge sword
- double tiger hook sword
- double butterfly sword
- double crutch arm shield
- concealed iron flute
- pumpkin head hammer
- mountain opening axe
- reclining moon blade
- monk's spade
- tiger fork spear
- dagger-axe halberd
- three section staff
- nine section chain whip
- meteor hammer / rope dart
those three body parts and this one weapon together are your Body That Knows War. They're the pieces of your your War-Body (Louis Garamondia stirs in restless slumber) and you can kill with them or your environment or not at all.
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| so does everyone else :/ |
you start with 1d6.
you have techniques (so does everyone). Techniques are actions that cannot kill directly, though they may through clever use of the environment.
While, out of combat, you can take any action you can think of, your techniques are the movements you have drilled yourself on; you can take them in combat, the state which permits no thought.
players assemble their own numbered list of 6 from the 8 techniques provided by their style. the order matters. this list may include duplicates (more on both later). an example follows:
Parade of 8 Princes Style
it's all about sweeping guys off their feet, hoisting guys up into the air on your spear, throwing guys into the air (so you can spear them), while you stay planted firmly on the ground
- grab
- twist
- hoist
- sidestep
- duck
- block
- throw
- sweep
more techniques can be found at the end of this post.
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| that t-shirt is the toughest shit in the world man |
this includes
- vile reputation
- the number of pieces of their War-Body
- situational benefits, specifically
- high ground
- longer/unhindered reach
- each of the enemies injuries
the War-Faces are compared, the difference between added to the more skilled combatant's engagement roll.
if
a person engages multiple combatants, use the highest of their
War-Faces.
roll 2d6 for each combatant; the highest roll is taken for
the team with the numerical advantage.
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| u see him at the club how do u open |
the
difference in the engagement rolls is the number of strikes the victor can make with their
War-Body. Each part of their War-Body may only strike once per
engagement roll.
For multiple opponents, this number is divided among their
War-Bodies.
A strike is enough damage to kill an untrained, unarmored human being, or destroy something of wood or stone. It will take 3 such strikes to kill you.
Strikes must be made precisely, with the targeted body parts declared, and can have as an extreme an effect as the attacker wishes.
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| technique: i kiss u and we're both girls |
the difference in the engagement rolls is subtracted from the losers technique roll.
After the engagement roll, before any strikes are made or actions taken, all combatants roll their Kung Fu die, subtract the difference of the engagement roll if they lost, and can perform all of the actions listed at the value rolled or below once.
If your Techniques looked like this:
- sidestep
- sidestep
- sweep
- grab
- twist
- throw
and you rolled a 4, you can grab and sweep once each, and sidestep twice. If you had d8 Kung Fu, and rolled an 8, you would be able to throw, twist, grab, and sweep once each, and sidestep twice.
If a person is engaged with multiple combatants, use the highest of their
Kung-Fu, and roll 1d6 per outnumbering combatant, keeping the highest
roll, but referring to each combatant's list separately.
While they cannot strike directly, a technique may, by interacting with the environment, damage or kill someone as though a strike.
If an enemy has a defensive technique to perform, they may take it in response to a player's action, but otherwise, all enemy actions are declared before the players act.
when
there is a conflict between a strike and a technique, the technique
resolves first.
when there is a conflict between two techniques, a
defensive technique resolves before an aggressive one.
any one
technique can only defend against one strike or technique; that is to
say, if an enemy strikes twice, and you can sidestep once, you will
avoid the first strike and be struck by the second. this is true for
attacks that count as more than one strike or technique. this is also
true for techniques that disable or stun; that isn't knocking a guy out! it's
hitting his nose so he goes ow yeowch and doesn't kill you with his
first stab but oh boy here comes his second!
the specifics matter
a great deal! a sidestep will not avoid a whirling chain or blade! ducking will not avoid an overhead hammer strike!
If there are people engaged in combat and people who are not, those who are not resolve their actions first.
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| Kung Fu is a girl and i love her |
and i'm sure your mighty mighty mind might materialize many more
- sheathe
- twist
- push
- pull
- sweep
- sidestep
- duck
- leap
- flip
- engulf
- bounce
- slide
- roll
- kiss
- swing
- pin
- lock
- throw
- spin
- stagger
- hoist
- stun
- block
- gather
- disarm
- redirect
Promise an enemy that you will tear out their heart, or crush their lungs with your fists, or beat them to death with their own arms, or any other brutality you want. They will roll Kung Fu. On a 2 or better, they will threaten to do worse to you, or beat you with a handicap. You may threaten to do worse again or to make the task harder for yourself; they will roll; on a 3 or better, they will again one up you, and so on, until you stop, or they fail the roll. Whoever stops first has lost and is a chickenshit coward.
If the winner makes good on their promised violence, they may:
- gain another piece of their war body (weapon or body part)
- mark a tally beside their Kung Fu die; when the tallies reach half the die's max value, they may upgrade the die to the next size up.
- nails as painkillers!
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