The Laws of Junk

Fernando Vicente is horny for hydraulics and so am I

oracular generator for items of all kinds. been needing one of these so I repo'd this old jalopy and gave it a fresh coat of paint. 

in the meantime I continue to accumulate lists of taboos like a fucked up 18th century anthropologist. these ones are for machines with moving parts; they can also be applied to items without moving parts to imply some degree of mechanization. If you do that, you should probably make the item extra effective as a tradeoff for needing to activate your sword with a wrench.

unless you're rich, your things don't work the way you'd like. you don't use them so much as you reason with them.

this machine has to be 

1. turned upside down
2. shaken
3. heated
4. cooled
5. yelled at
6. coaxed lovingly
7. hit 1d6 times
8. oiled/polished
1. with an expected material
2. with an unexpected material
9. cleaned
10. activated
1. very slowly
2. very quickly
3. activated 2d6 times
4. with a tool not designed for the job

or it

1. hurts anyone who touches it
2. explodes
3. can't be used for 2d6 hours
4. must be repaired
5. performs its task to an unpleasant extreme
6. performs the opposite of its task
7. performs an unrelated task
8. performs a different, related task
9. makes a ton of noise
10. smells awful
11. produces dangerous waste
12. produces harmless waste