Humans are basically pretty boring, pent up, and infertile until they fall in love and have sex. in these throes, the heat of passionate friction remolds them into the interesting, virile form they will hold for the rest of their lives. Once this has happened, it can never happen again. Humans may fall in true love many times, but they only change once (unless…?) true love virginity is real, and it’s important. It is very embarrassing for one human to change after sex, and the other to not, revealing that they were never in love to begin with.
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| all art by my talented and beautiful girlfriend by the way |
for Mafia it's all about family. they try to have as many children as possible, and will adopt/deputize people into their families if they appreciate the smallest thing that person did for them. this is a mixed blessing, because once you're in the family, the slightest dissent will have you labeled as a rat, and the easiest way for everyone else to prove loyalty is of course to torture and kill a rat. Mafia are pleased by the presence of other Humanotypes, and a large, diverse family is a point of pride.
Ninjas obscure their entire body like mummies and never remove their wrappings. being seen is frightening and painful for them, and they will only converse from unlikely hiding places. Their body image issues mean that they have some shared ground with Pirates, but ultimately the clannish nature of the Pirate is suffocating to the Ninja. Ninjas find all other Humanotypes incredibly fascinating, and observe them closely, but are only attracted to one another. If two Ninjas see each other face to naked face they will fall in love. Unfortunately this scares them so much that they will spend the rest of their lives trying to kill each other. These tragic tendencies means that Artists are compelled by Ninjas, and complex relationships of skulking cuckoldry are common between Ninja couples and Artist third wheels.
everyone is upset if after having crazy true love sex their partner turns into a Clown. Clowns can't take anything seriously and can be compressed down to the size of a bowling ball. they experience things entirely vicariously. for a Clown to eat they have to hit someone else in the face with the food the Clown wants to eat, which is almost always pie. the only thing they find funny is making other people laugh, which is harder than it seems, so they do a lot of tickling. when they need to wash off they spray other people with soda water. Clowns have fierce rivalry with one another, and will commit brutal acts of self harm against themselves in order to injure each other, even unto death.
Pirates HATE society and also their own bodies. they're always cutting off bits of themselves and replacing it with whatever's handy. they need a lot of money to afford fancy prosthesis and they can't hold steady jobs or stand to be around other people so they pretty much always fuck off to fancy boats to hang out with other Pirates and steal. they have a kinship with birds, who also hate society, and fiercely envy their wing'd freedom. They often form abusive relationships with Doctors; a Pirate in company of a Doctor will soon ship of theseus themselves entirely.
Doctors crave power at all costs. They obtain this by telling everyone what is wrong with them and their lives and their friends and everything they are doing. if you listen to them for too long you start feeling physically sick, and the only thing that will make you feel better is for a doctor to praise you, which culturally speaking, they only do when you pay them. Doctors don't need to sleep; they rest by pacing, and they freak the fuck out if they get messy or yucky. Doctors cannot palate processed food and are incredibly offended by fruits and vegetables, putting them at odds with Farmers. They yearn to join Mafia families and Pirate ships, but their presence is seldom tolerated for long, as things get toxic fast.
Businessmen adore themselves and each other. they are always buying lavish gifts for themselves or other businessmen, and in a gift exchange, the Businessman with the most paltry offering is bound to perform favors for the others. in groups of close friends, this is typically spitshining the others shoes, but amongst strangers and enemies their depravity knows no bounds. They can only eat during the noon hour, during which time they are also immune to negative side effects from poisons and drugs. They will vomit up anything else they consume at any other time. As obsessive followers, they will echo the opinions of Farmers, Scientists, and Doctors, but will be mortally embarrassed if another Businessman criticizes this behavior.
Farmers always know what's best, and nothing is ever as it should be. They are constantly digging up plants and moving them around, and they take great pleasure in training animals to do unlikely and peculiar things. They will put almost anything in their mouth, and receiving a bit of chewed cud from a farmer can carry a great variety of meanings depending on its flavor and texture. They distrust Doctors, who never agree with their vision, and get along well with Mafia and Clowns. They are solitary and silent creatures who convene once or twice a month in large packs for bacchanals which inevitably result in huge swathes of land covered in camomile and daisies, squirrels wearing little pants, dogs playing poker, etc.
Scientists are great swimmers, lovers, lifters and climbers of trees and rocks, all of which is much less impressive because they are constantly saying shit that makes no sense. Scientists are incapable of experiencing anything without positing that actually something else is going on, and exerting herculean effort to make it so. They are incredibly sensitive to criticism and weep fat, heavy tears thinking of past insults while doing things like tearing off four legs of every ant in an anthill in order to prove they are bipedal. Doctors will drive them to a suicidal mania, but they have a kinship with Farmers who understand and admire their neuroses, and employ squads of goonish Construction Workers.
Construction Workers are pansexual polyamorous sexual deviant exhibitionists one and all, and possess an innate sense of rhythm, often unconsciously breaking into dance in times of great stress or joy. They are intensely social creatures, and experience debilitating paranoia and depression if they are ever left alone. For this reason, they are inclined towards Mafia families, and have a respect for the fellowship exhibited by Businessmen. They are aspirational dreamers, and will often attempt great deeds they have no ability to execute, flying into a fury if their inadequacy is ever pointed out to them. For this reason, Doctors are often fought on sight, and Scientists are bitterly envied. Construction Worker/Artist relations are the things of great and moving tragedies, for Construction Workers find the mock-harems of the Artist insulting and shallow, and an Artist in love with a Construction Worker is destined for heartbreak.
Hackers are always ahead of the times. whatever they think is cool now
will surely catch on in a matter of months. Of course, some of them
abuse this to do absolute bullshit, since few are brave enough to call
them out on it. For this reason, there exists some enmity between them
and Scientists, who are often mocked for their ludicrous schemes despite
being superior to the Hacker in strength and beauty. Hackers are all
health freaks, and tend to be on diets you've never heard of. They are
all straight-edge in a superior, acerbic kind of way. Pirates tend to
see Hackers as the vanguards of the society they so despise, but Doctors
and Hackers often form strong, bitchy mean-girl bonds, since the
personal conviction of Hackers renders them immune to the constant
belittlement of Doctors.
much can be said about the romantic behaviors of Artists, who experience a monogamous yearning so intense that to think on it too greatly invites superhuman ability followed by aneurysm. In order to ward off death, they surround themselves with lovers, and status is signaled by the size of ones harem, since it is understood that the larger the harem, the more powerfully their heart beats for another. Because of their social tendencies they often mistake Mafiosos for one of their own, but are otherwise misanthropic, believing that only the object of their love is worth anything in this fucked up world.
The only meaningful way for a human being to change what kind of human they are is to become Transgender. this allows them to have mindblowing true love sex all over again, and remake themselves anew. Transgenders are almost always hated by the humanotype they transitioned away from, particularly by Artists, who are desperately threatened by any change in their object of affection. The exception is Pirates, who totally understand and empathize with the desire to throw it all away and start over.
Love ya unless i don't xoxo |
| and its important to note that she mogs of course |
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